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🤦‍♂️ How is that even a thing ??!?!!!
>>> On a first date I always talk about my obe... hahahahaha
I've discovered that I have a superpower. I can melt ice cubes just by staring at them. It takes a while though…
Amanda….. Are you storing all these jokes in your Dad-abase?
what's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? - one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter
🤣🤣🤣🤣
That's good 😁
Today my daughter called me ‘Birth Person’. I replied, ‘Yes, financial drain’.
Truth
I don't think I'm strong enough anymore for my job as a personal trainer. I guess I'll hand in my too weak notice
No my birth people love to buy me stuff lol😄
To be fair, I’m a generous birth person
To be fair, my jokes are not actually dad jokes, I don’t have any children
what says a computer engineer at the hospital? - "doctor doctor... it hurt's when IP"
I am a grateful receiver of gifts lol
My wife said she's leaving me for 14 reasons and my obsession with tennis. I said that's 15 love
I got SCUBA diving equipment for my ex wife….
I thought it was a fair trade!
hahahhaha
That's mean [ funny but mean lol
🤭🤭🤭🤭
Ex wife for sale…
Take over payments!
Oh no that's never a good deal
I said to my wife, "I saw a woman with her tits out on the bus feeding her son." She said, "It's natural." “Natural?" I replied, "She was giving him crisps."
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it’s WORTH it!
To the one who stole my glasses. I will find you. I have contacts...
recently i saw the woman of my dreams on the bus but i was just too shy to jerk me off
Stealing clothes from washing lines….? Yeah, I’ve been there, done that, got the tee shirt.
To the one in the wheelchair who stole my wallet and wore a really good camouflage… you can hide but you can’t run…
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Who gives me a rose, I'm saving for my little wolf 🥺😭😭🥺🥺😭😭🥺🥺😭😭
I’m saving for SP
last weekend i was just about to exchange numbers with a girl i met, but we thought it's going to be too confusing for the people who wanna call us
🤣
Sometimes you just cant win at being a gentleman… I thought i would try to be one for once and hold the door open for a young lady. 2mins later she said " will you **** off i am trying to take a 💩 "..
Kids today don't know how well off they are.. I was orphaned at a young age and raised by a pack of hyenas. No toys, no posh house, facing starvation scouring for food, but boy, did we have some laughs.
I am back did I miss anything
Just a few more jokes 🙂
I am looking back to see what I missed
I can’t think of any more jokes for the time being
I’m an insomniac, Agnostic, Dyslexique….
I stay awake all night, wondering if there is a DOG! 🤣
Most people are morons Don't believe me? Next time you see a group of people yell "Oi MORON" and watch them all turn around….
I'm the best Assistant DJ in the entire world. In fact, I hold the record.
The guy who scanned my items at the supermarket was rude, unhelpful and smelled like he'd been drinking. That's the last time I use the self checkout…
I know this might make me sound big headed, but I can't get my sweater off.
When I was in school I got asked, "What is 3000 converted into Roman Numerals ?" I had to think about that one… Mmm....
What a downer of a week I've had.. firstly for the first time in 30 years I didn’t get a valentines card from a secret admirer, then to top it I find my nan has died…