I was originally planning on staying at my oldest sister’s house. She called me tonight and said “Ok now don’t worry, it’ll be fine but Benny has the flu”

I said “Nope. I’ll see you on FT then”

Benny is my nephew. Kid is always sick

And I. Don’t. Do. Germs.

Am I allowed to spray him with Lysol if he comes near me?

I take the silence as a no

So you climb into beds with your jewels all sweaty in the summer time? 😳

I made it to my parents’ house. There’s plastic on mattress, plastic on the pillows, plastic on the windows😭 all I hear is plastic

A: soap and washcloth

Why are you broadcasting my business!!🤫

I'm gonna have a bag of meth delivered to your house

Well, she’s got linen on top.

It’s just noisy every time you move around on the bed

lol no thank goodness

Those plastic covers were brutal in the summer

I can also hear “The Price is Right” playing on tv nearby

It’s a tv show

Lmao

I just got lectured cuz of my dog 😭

I was peacefully laying in bed. Dog decides to walk around on the bed and out of nowhere flips the pillow over. My phone flies off the pillow, hits the wall and the metal headboard, then the floor.

My mom walks in as my a$$ is in the air trying to reach behind the bed to grab my phone. Told me I should have been asleep already why am I making so much noise

I’m farting on this dog tonight

Congrats to you all republicans on President Musk and Vice President Trump

President Musk

Congratulations on giving the richest man in the world control over every aspect of your life

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